By: Dr. Sue Love ND
When does a miscarriage end?
I was completely floored when during my second pregnancy I was told at 9
weeks, that the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. I know this news would be difficult for anyone, but I didn’t realize how difficult it was for me until I started speaking with professionals, and they reminded me why it would be so tough.
I’m so grateful that the first time I became pregnant easily, and I had a
completely uneventful pregnancy, but as was pointed out to me, I was completely blindsided by things not going smoothly the second time. I tried to say I was ok, that I was early in my pregnancy when I found out, but a friend who’s a midwife reminded me that during the month where I knew I was pregnant I had planned my life around the baby’s arrival, and she was completely right. This included travel plans, buying a house, timing of when we’d move, who would sleep in what room, what time I’d take off, who would cover my practice, who I’d spend time with while off with my new baby, and the list goes on and on.
There are pros and cons to a “missed miscarriage”. The good news is it means you can maintain a pregnancy, and this provides hope for future pregnancies. But the con is your body won’t let go, and therefore it can prolong how long it takes to “recover”. Every decision I made along the way made sense at the time, but after 2 unsuccessful rounds of misoprostol, I opted for a D&C. It took over 2 months from when I found out, to get there.
All along the way I wanted to share my story with others, but I was waiting for it to be “done” before doing so. The D&C was successful, but I’m now 3 months post D&C, and I still don’t feel like it’s finished. Instead of waiting any longer, I figured this is a great week to share the honest reality of how difficult it can be. Even for someone who rationally knows that from a medical perspective everything is “fine”.
I’m really not sure when, or if, it will end. Will it be after the due date of the baby passes? Will it be after I get pregnant again? I can only imagine the worry that will arise when (and that question of if!) that happens. Or will it be part of who I am? In honesty I know that the latter is the way it’ll be, and I’m ok with that. Thankfully my brain is wired to see the positive in everything, and this helps me through each day. This experience had made me even more grateful that I have the sweetest little 2.5 year old on the planet (Yes, I know I’m biased!). I know in my heart that it wasn’t the right time due to the amount of stress and grief I endured in 2018. It also gives me life experience so that I can empathize with my patients and my friends who have experienced a similar loss. I’m here for you, and I’m so grateful for the support that’s been there for me. Today I share my story so you’ll know that you’re not alone in your challenges.
There is no shame in what’s happened. It’s not your fault. Let’s talk about it.
